The Hootnanny Chronicles

daavigod:

X__X

(Source: biglilkim)

daavigod:

X__X

(Source: biglilkim)

spiritualinspiration:

Say this prayer with me:

Father, I thank you that you have already accepted and approved me. I may not be perfect, but you know at least I’m trying, and I am going out today with my head held high, knowing that you are in the process of changing me…

nadia-love:

60 Ways to Build Community

ifwebuildit:

Happy Saturday! Here’s a list of simple things you can start doing today to build community. For more ideas and inspiration, check out the whole article here.

(Source: anthoninep)

rustyredenbacher:

#RustyWrites

‘My First Time…’ 5/3/12

Junior Seau’s apparent suicide has led to some interesting discussions on my Facebook. I’m gonna tell y’all about the first time I had suicidal thoughts. I’ve never talked about it publicly until now, but I wanna share this in the hopes that anyone dealing with something  that has them at their wit’s end knows there’s far better options. 



I have lost friends to suicide. It is bad enough to lose a friend in any way, shape, or form…but losing a friend like THAT? It makes you feel like “If I coulda…”, leaves you with questions that will arise damn near any time your friend’s name is brought up. 

There was a point in my life where I felt everything was done. Honestly. 

I was DONE. I didn’t wanna live. My reasons for living felt ridiculous. I didn’t see any future for myself. I had no hope. I had lived through as much “failure” as I could. I saw nothing but “failures”, regardless of what other people saw in me. I put up a brave face and a brave front but every night I went to bed, praying that I would die in my sleep. It was like this for years. It felt like an eternity.

One night, I parked in my usual space and was about to go inside the house. I saw there was a spot in the garage. I very seriously considered parking in there, closing the door, and letting the car run. I had had more than enough. I felt like I had no one to talk to on the planet. I was alone everywhere I went, regardless of the size of the crowd or my company. 

“Just put the car in reverse, pull into the garage, close the door and go to sleep.”. My mind was attacking me. I had never had these thoughts before. I had never wanted to be gone. I had been through things in my life, but I had never had so many bad things go on at once. I was really at the end. 

…but I wanted to live. I wanted to live my life. I wanted to be able to finish what I had started. I had never seen ‘suicide’ in God’s plan for me and I didn’t understand why it was prevalent at this time. Well, I understood, but I refused to reason with my suicidal thoughts. They had their own agenda. 

…and I wanted to live. I just wanted to live.

I left my car in its usual spot next to the garage. I got out. 

I went in the house, set my stuff down, and cried. I just sat there and cried. I just let it go. At this time, I was already seeing a counselor. I got into my wallet for his card and asked if he could talk to me for a bit. He obliged…and I thank God that he did. 

I talked to him for about an hour; he knew my situation. He saw how real it was for me. I’d never called him during off hours before this time. He wanted assurance that I was gonna make it through the night, offering to come get me if need be. I told him I was gonna make it. I was as shocked at having these thoughts as anyone, man. I didn’t wanna act on them. I love my family too much…and aside from that, I WANTED TO LIVE. It was more about the idea of even HAVING these thoughts that scared me. I knew in my heart, I didn’t wanna act on them. My mind was attacking me.

Sometimes, when it gets really bad, I think those thoughts will just INVADE your mind. It felt like an invasion to me, as if they were planted there. Granted, this was the unhappiest time of my life and I had never felt this low before, but if you had told me, “You’re gonna have suicidal thoughts .” at any point in my life before that point, I woulda guffawed in your face.

It can happen to anybody. You do not know the pain someone is dealing with. You have no idea how bad it can be for some people. In many people’s eyes, I was “winning”…the whole time you were thinking that, I was in a personal hell, desperately trying to keep my ‘game face’ on. 

Had it not been for counseling, I can’t tell you that I would be sitting here typing this. I can’t tell you, “Don’t do it, someone WILL listen to you.” without knowing that it’s true. I really lived it. It ain’t some slogan I picked up from a bumper-sticker or PSA. It’s real life…SOMEONE WILL listen to you. If you can’t think of anybody offhand, please call one of those hotlines in this link.

SUICIDE HOTLINES 

Them thoughts ain’t real; as humans, our natural instanct is to live. Life is a blessing, do not throw it away.

God bless us all and thanks for letting me build with y’all. Let’s make the world the best one we can. 

Respect and Grace,

Russ 

#ATFU #SHRUGLIFE #TBM #LANON #NAPTOWN ADIYM

I’ve been at that point. It sucks when people close to you have no idea of the personal hell that you’re going through. Putting on a smile like all is well and being completely torn inside.

Lost friends as well to suicide. Seeing them days before and not seeing anything that would make you think they would take their life. Never understood it until I reached that point myself.

It is scary and confusing when suicidal thoughts enter your head, especially when you know you want to live. I am glad you were able to speak with someone who was able to help… Thank you for sharing.